Dark Short 1: Rosebud

Welcome to a brand-new concept for “Life Sucks. Laugh Here.” Dark Shorts is intended to supplement the longer weekly posts with some random, ad hoc, funny, shorter stories (usually just a paragraph). These will post randomly during the week as the spirit moves me to create content. Please let me know your thoughts, likes, dislikes, general feedback in the Comments section at the bottom of this page. – PS Conway

Freddy had a gender-fluid fruit fetish. Freddy was not fussy. On certain days, a buxom blonde banana or a plump perse eggplant sent him into pure ecstasy. On other days, a pudenda pink papaya or pap smear purple pomegranate scratched his prickling perversions. But nothing, not even a succulent ass-shaped squash, came close to his infatuation with mangoes. Freddy would spend hours in the produce section of his grocery store. Damp hand gliding gently along every piece of produce, delicate fingers exploring nooks and crannies, sketchy smile spreading over his face. Thank god no store allows black lights on their produce. Freddy was not a hand-washer. One of his many pervy proclivities. Above all other fruits, Freddy loved mangoes. And while all mangoes were a guaranteed trip to Bonerville, nippled mangoes took the grand prize.  These unicorns of fruit sported a natural deformity, an additional hard protrusion on the tip of the mammary-like mango, much like a nipple on a breast. Freddy would whisper mango, mango, mango to himself, just loud enough for children to hear, and rub the mango hither and thither across his face. One Sunday, a protrusion burst open, and a poisonous tropical spider emerged, biting Freddy’s face. As the neurotoxin took hold, Freddy folded fluidly to the floor of the store, neck craning toward the mango display, his last whispered word: Rosebud.

About PS Conway

Hey everyone! Welcome to Life Sucks. Laugh Here. In my college years, I was an English major and aspiring writer. Then life took over - marriage and kids - in our mid-twenties. Like all good Catholics of Irish descent, I literally looked sideways at my wife, and she was pregnant three weeks after our wedding. And then the ride of life began. My writing took a backseat for the next twenty-five years. But now, our daughters are raised, and my wife and I are in a Renaissance phase of our lives. As I begin to write again, I see so much negativity, tribalism, and anger on social media... so many people seem to think life sucks. The only antidote to this mind-rotting negativity that I know of, albeit transient, is laughter. So, I have committed to writing and growing this blog around that singular objective... try my damnedest to provide original writing that makes people laugh. And maybe think a little, too. Hope you really enjoy. If you laugh, please share this blog with your friends so we can grow our subscriber base and online influence. We are on a mission to spread joy, mirth, cheer, yule, and good humor to as many folks as possible. Thank you for joining this effort. Sláinte! - PS Conway

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